Thursday, December 3, 2009

Life and dams

In life you can choose to let things happen as they will, attempt to affect change, or run from it all. I am a dam. I build a strong wall and only try to let the water spill when necessary. When I feel it will have the most impact. I am a planner and designer of the route one should take. I watch and wait atop my dam. This has worked for me for the majority of my life although I will acknowledge that I have let a few things slip through the cracks and I have dammed up plenty of things that should have been addressed.
In mid October I finally decided it was time to start taking a different path. To be more proactive and dam far less. The timing of that decision could not have been worse. Emotionally I started to be introspective and make changes to my life while my world started to shift. This has had an odd affect on me where I desperately want to dam everything back up and try to continue as things have gone. Although I can see the cracks in my dam and understand that I need to be more balanced or it will not last. So I am choosing amongst the chaos of my life to continue with the original plan.
Perhaps it is a good thing to feel broken and without course. Perhaps it is a good thing to feel the weight of everything at once. Perhaps it is not. I do not know but I wont know until I try. So I am moving forward. I am sure that many of you haven noticed changes in me that last few years...these are mainly caused by me deciding it was time to change. We can not remain the same while the world around us changes.
At the same time I recognize the pure youth of the battle. The fact that there is a battle is a clear example of that youth and how far I have not gone on my course of life. Hopefully choosing to make those changes will result in me growing and letting this part of my youth wash away.
I think the largest battle I have been wadging in my mind has been over the changes that have already occurred. The David I was is not who I am today. That which once was a definition of who I am is no longer. I have changed while attempting to remain the same. I still can't decide which me is the better me but honestly I almost feel like the current me is the lesser of the two. This alone has been hard for me to accept because who I was could not have survived.
I am planning to be even more active in photography so make sure you check out my gallery if you want to see the latest pictures. I updated it last night with five new albums. For access to my pictures, please visit Sorin's Rain Drop.

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